Antipodean observations
Croc shows to Chiko Rolls (and everything inbetween)
When I was a kid, I remember hearing someone say that if they were to dig a hole in the ground directly below their feet, they’d end up in Australia. It was a funny joke—a gag if you will—and something I could never verify. Yet, thanks to some legendary cobber, you can now input the coordinates of your hometown and find out where you’d end up if you dug that doomed, prophesied hole.
If I had decided to do something so stupid when I was a bairn, I would have surfaced - probably very bloated and dead - quite a bit south of New Zealand, in the middle of the Southern Ocean. The closest landmass to me would be Campbell Island, which I’m told has, among other things, an Important Bird Area and the world’s most remote tree. Both of those sound like environmental art jokes from a Monkey Island game that doesn’t exist.
Good news on that front
Hey, what do you know? I’m in Brisbane, Australia, right now, and will be for a bit, thanks to Weddings. That’s before I return to England so that I can go to Italy for Weddings. Then come back to Australia for more Weddings. Then go to New Zealand for another Weddings. Then go back to Australia for a final Weddings.
It’s more fun when the cliches aren’t true, but I’m going to keep it real with you here - people aren’t joking when they say that you get to a certain age, and then all the weddings start happening. Before this past weekend, the last wedding I attended occurred when I was seven.
Apparently, I couldn’t stop laughing during my cousin’s ceremony. I’ve always been told it was charming and cute, but having now been to my first wedding as an adult, I can’t help but shake the idea that it was definitely really annoying. What a little prick I was! Trying to steal the limelight like that by laughing in the face of such a sacred institution. At the last one I went to, I just cried quietly and threw a bunch of paper hearts on the happy couple. Much better.
But yeah, Australia. I’ve been here before, of course. I spent seven weeks down under in late 2022, so it’s not entirely unfamiliar. I covered most of the touristy stuff last time, from croc shows to Chiko Rolls, so it feels less like a holiday, and I’m starting to appreciate the liner notes this time around.
It’s really hot!
I like the climate here, which hangs around the 30-degree mark. Sure, you end up melting a lot, but I prefer it to the lethargic, depressing consistency of Northern England. Everything looks really nice all of the time in Brisbane. Even when it’s wet or overcast, it’s still charming. Not to Pathetic Fallacy on main, but I think I may have dawned on something important here. I think being present in good weather conditions… can make us happy. Is this real, chat? As a 28-year dweller of Newcastle, I often find myself elated by the feeling of the sun on my face like a Neanderthal figuring out that the funny-shaped rock face doubles as a good back scratcher.
Crucially, Australia is also covered in fans and air con so that you can cope indoors. It’s a sense of cooling infrastructure that does not compute with English people, even though the UK keeps getting hotter every year. Usually, for the three and a bit days we have heat, we just buy a bunch of paddling pools and plastic fans and then leave them to rot in the garage for the rest of the year. I’m sure that approach is completely airtight and will fare well in the years of warming to come.
Apparently, the reason British people get called ‘Poms’ in Aus is because it’s short for Pomegranate, as in the colour of their face when they don’t protect their skin. Makes sense. Aussies call Americans ‘seppos’ too, which is short for Septic Tank because it rhymes with Yank. A lot goes into the slangtymology.
Also, everyone tends to get up earlier because it’s lovely and warm outside. I’m certainly more productive because of it. I tend to want to face the day when it can start with a nice walk in the sun rather than reminding me of when I used to put my pants on the radiator so I could mitigate the walk to school.
They’ve figured out the bins
Have you seen this shit? I don’t know if this is as exciting as the rest of the country with its inimitable vistas and mythicological wildlife - but they pick the bin up with a robot arm and dump it in the truck. Nobody has to jump out. The arm provides. This hastily-captured four-second video happened after I turned to my partner, incredulous, shouting, and asked if it was “fine to record this?” I’m pretty sure there’s no law against capturing good garbage duty, but the moment had swept over me by that point.
In record time, I’ve also become a convert to ‘Aussie Fish and Chips’—as in, crumbed cod instead of battered. The seafood here is next level, as is most of the produce, to be honest. The proximity to Asia and the melting pot of immigration means that Straya is a cornucopia of sumptuous food. Everyone jokes about English cuisine, and they should. Aside from, what, Indian food and Greggs? We’re a laughing stock. On the flip side, the coffee is so consistently good here that I’m having to relearn what good and bad coffee is.
I think the Aussies have figured out burgers, too. Grill’d is like a chain burger place in Australia, but crucially, it's not a smashburger joint like Five Guys or In-N-Out, as is trending all over the globe. To spake bri’ish for a minute, Grill’d bills itself as a “healthy” burger place but does what I would call ‘elevated pub burgers’ (which sounds like a dig, but it’s really not). They taste amazing and hold their consistency through the whole experience instead of falling apart and getting sloppy. You can slap a slice of beetroot on there, too, which you should because it’s an underrated topping. I nearly didn’t finish this piece because I got distracted reading the Grill’d menu again. Those zucchini chips, man. I’m in the wrong industry.
Oh, they also have Dancerush, MaiMai, and properly functioning DDR machines here, with Konami e-amusement that tracks with the Japanese card system. So expect Porter Robinson songs and all the rest of the up-to-date libraries. It’s an underrated rhythm game zone.
EXCLUSIVE: Geordie idiot builds a Gaming PC in 28°C, 94% humidity
I’ve built PCs before. Three, to be exact. Crucially, though, it was always in the cool climes of Newcastle, England, where I would still overheat from the fear sweats. Doing it in Australia is different gravy. But it worked at the first boot! And I’ve not touched the internals since, out of terror.
Somehow, this was my first time using thermal paste, as I had to glue on the waxxa (geordie to describe something of great heft or quality) CPU Cooler I bought, as the CPU didn’t come with one attached this time. Or I just straight up didn’t have one, I think, for at least two of my last three builds, which was definitely a bad idea. Anyway, that stuff is lethal. It was easily the scariest moment I’ve had in all my years of tech. You feel like you’re bludgeoning a precious gemstone or putting a pillow to the proverbial face of the entire computer. It doesn’t feel right at all.
All of my builds prior to this have been on a shoestring and, therefore, earned a superficial appearance that belied an ugly reality. It’s fun to just explain the bones of an idiom in verbose fashion, sometimes. This is the first PC where it felt like all of the parts could, tenuously, be pals? Bless! I probably could’ve picked a better day to complete this task.
Hooroo
Anyway, that’s your lot. Thank you for languishing in a newsletter cluster for so long. I want to get back to this, and I will. Earnestly, it brings me great joy, and I have so much to say, quite often. That’s my job, you might say. I want to write about things -like how I’ve had to relearn how to listen to music after losing my hearing, or my thoughts on my last trip to Japan, as well as all the other internet culture nuggets I’ve been stewing on for the past god knows how long. I have drafts about Earthbound, Max Payne 2, freelancing advice and Dandori, atm.
My life has been defined by a lot of upheaval over the past few years, but my constant longing to Make Good Stuff That’s Mine has never ended. Underpinning a lot of it is that I want to explore new mediums now that I’ve got a command over writing (as is the curse of every creative, I’m sure).
I recognise that video is the medium by which most of the people I respect and admire are getting their point across. Now that socials are a complete dive, it feels like the necessary way to go. I don’t want to Always Be Posting, but I also don’t want to be left behind, so… As well as theorising about culture and games, I want to make music, art, and videos under the Postmode banner - games, too. You’ll see more of that in the months to come.
By the way, an enormous shoutout to Ben and Henry. You are the first two shareholders in the Postmode project and will be paid your dividends in due course. I have big plans for this puppy. I will please the board! Let me cook!
The Rec Room
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Watch: I’m linking this one cos it’s free to watch on YT, but you should really sub to Brad Troemel on Patreon if you want help understanding the modern internet, and by proxy, the world. At least follow his insta. I’ve been watching his reports for years now, and always look forward to them. There are very few people trying to investigate how borked everything is with academic empathy.